Again based on the song by Janet Jackson
by Barson4EverIsReal
Summary: So I've had this one shot rolling around in my head for a week now about Rafael Barba's return. It's all centered around the song "Again" by Janet Jackson. It's sappy and it's sweet... Enjoy. :)


AGAIN

Based on the song "Again" by Janet Jackson

Olivia Benson had woken up on a warmer than usual fall New York City morning in September of 2019. Today was the happiest she had been since that day…15 months ago. She was a new woman, or at least she had a new title…Captain Olivia Benson. As much tension and push-back as she received from now former Chief William Dodds when he first came to SVU, the two had worked through their issues. Olivia proved to him that she was in fact a great squad commander, she was the commander that her detectives wanted, and let's be fair…she was the advocate that these survivors needed on their side. And Chief Dodds, well, in the past couple of years he surprised Olivia. He had become the ally she needed on _her_ side. They had both, eventually, gained each other's trust and professional admiration. That's why the Chief's sudden departure from SVU was such a jolt to Olivia. One condition of Dodd's departure that he insisted on was a promotion for Olivia Benson from Lieutenant to Captain. So, it was a done deal. William Dodds was out as Chief and Olivia Benson was now a Captain in the NYPD.

Olivia made her way to the 16th on her first full day as Captain Olivia Benson. She was pretty sure not much else in her world would change. There would still be perps to sweat in the box; there would still be survivors to help to begin to heal. Other than some minor ribbing from her squad and having to hear her Sergeant say "Cap'n", the same way he'd done with Cragen all those years ago, Olivia was sure today would be like any other. She didn't know how wrong she was.

As Olivia settled in her office there was a knock on her door, "Liv, you got a minute to talk?"

Olivia looked up, "Rollins. Sure, what's up?" Amanda closed the office door and the blinds on the doors' window.

She sat down in the chair across from Olivia and began, "Um Olivia this isn't job related, it's personal."

Olivia grew concerned, "Is everything ok with the girls?"

Amanda shook her head, "Yeah, they're fine. It's not that it's just….I heard from Carisi today."

Olivia, knowing how Carisi felt about Amanda, gave a coy smile. "You did? And how is our new ADA?"

Amanda replied with a slight grin, "Carisi's fine. He was in the DA's office on his way to see Jack McCoy this morning and he…" She stopped mid-sentence…afraid to continue.

Olivia was beginning to get a bit annoyed, "He what?"

Amanda took a breath and replied, "Carisi ran into Rafael Barba." Amanda continued, talking about Carisi's meet up with Barba as the story had been relayed to her…about how grateful Carisi was to be in the ADA's office and how much help Barba had been to Carisi but Olivia had tuned her out.

Olivia was dazed by the news. In an almost inaudible whisper she said, "Rafa." Olivia became lost in her own thoughts. Suddenly the memories came back to her in her mind. How could she be strong she'd asked herself…time and time she said…that she'd never fall in love with him again.

Amanda realized Olivia's mind was someplace else. "Liv. Liv." Amanda gently touched her hand to get her attention. "Hey, are you ok?"

"What? Yeah, I'm fine." Olivia was obviously emotional at the news but tried to hold it together. "Old ghosts," she whispered.

Amanda nodded and quietly left her bosses office to give her some space. She knew…the entire squad knew how those two felt about each other and how difficult it was for Olivia after Rafael left. Olivia hadn't just lost the best ADA she'd ever worked with, she'd lost the best friend she'd ever had.

Olivia was lying to Amanda and to herself. She wasn't fine. She was missing Rafael desperately. She opened her phone and flipped to the photos. She stared at a picture taken on Christmas week, two months before Rafael had gone. She and Rafael looked so happy. They looked happy together. No one at the 16th knew just how close they had become in the last few months of 2017. And Olivia regretted none of it. The only regret she had was that she didn't fight for what was right. This relationship had never felt forced. Instead it was allowed to grow organically from co-workers to friends to best friends eventually to something more.

After a few minutes she'd finally got her mind back on the business of the 1-6. Olivia heard a tap at her door. She looked up and saw a man, standing with two dozen roses covering his face. It didn't matter she couldn't see his face. Olivia knew that cologne. Olivia knew his gait as the figure walked closer to her desk. She stood up, in complete shock as to who was standing in front of her.

The figure lowered the flowers. For the first time in 15 months, Olivia Benson and Rafael Barba were face to face again. Olivia's knees became weak at the mere site of the man in front of her. She had grabbed her desk to steady herself.

Rafael breached the silence first, "Liv." Olivia closed her eyes at the sound of the man's voice. The man she loved, her soulmate, her best friend was again in front of her. He started to speak again, "Liv, I am so sorry. The last thing I ever wanted to do was to hurt you. I love you so much, Liv."

Olivia's eyes searched this man's face. Trying to be strong she answered, " A wounded heart you gave. My soul you took away. Good intentions, you had many. I know you did. I come from a place that hurts and God knows how I've cried. And I never want to return…never fall again."

Rafael walked closer to her in response, "Making love to you, oh it felt so good and Oh so right."

Tears were now streaming down Olivia's face as she replied, "How can I be strong, I've asked myself, time and time I've said that I'll never fall in love with you again."

He knew how much he had hurt Olivia, and Rafa was suffering his own hell for it. All he knew was he had to try and salvage any part of a relationship they may have left. "So here we are alone again. I didn't think it'd come to this. And to know it all began with just a little kiss." Rafa reached for her hand, "I've come too close to happiness to have it swept away. Don't think I can take the pain, to never fall again."

Still holding Rafa's hand, Liv knew this man's heart. She knew what he was going through at the time he left. She knew how much pain she had been in since that day. She also knew how much she desperately loved this man as she answered him, "Kinda late in the game and my heart is in your hands. Don't you stand there and then tell me you love me then leave again. Cause I'm falling in love with….you again."

Rafa pulled her close and wrapped his arms around her, unsure if she would reciprocate. Olivia put her arms around his neck and found that familiar, safe place she'd always known. She began to melt into his arms. She whispered to him, "Hold me. Hold me. Don't ever let me go."

Olivia felt his hold get just a bit tighter and more secure. Rafa always knew what she needed. He whispered back to her, "Say it just one time. Say you love me."

She pulled away from his grip so she could be eye to eye with him and answered, "God knows I do love you…again."


End file.
